Our precious boys...

Our precious boys...

Thursday, February 4, 2010

JUST RELAX: (Ha…good one!)

One of the hardest comments I received time and time again was, “Just relax.” You tell me to not be stressed out and relax, but this comment just creates even more stress upon me. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong, when there is a physical issue preventing us from becoming pregnant. But, it’s not my fault. And unfortunately, relaxation is not going to cure infertility. According to the “ASRM”, (American Society of Reproductive Medicine) there isn’t any proof that stress causes infertility.

I can guarantee my relaxing is not going to change the outcome. Now, after a positive pregnancy with IVF treatment, I can tell you that during my entire journey with infertility, my stress level didn’t go away. Sure it fluctuated, but relaxing wasn’t the magic cure that ultimately made me pregnant. In fact, I think my stress level was probably the highest it was during our IVF. And I still became pregnant.

It’s so early in my pregnancy that if I had conceived naturally, I may not have even contacted a doctor yet. Or I may not even be aware that I'm even pregnant! But in my reality, I have gone to the doctor 10 times in the last month. With multiple blood tests, ultrasounds, shots, egg retrieval surgery, and an embryo transfer, I’ve been as involved as I could possibly be. We even watched our two embryos being put back into me on the screen. Now that isn’t the typical conception experience!

Going through In Vitro Fertilization turns one’s focus to medical details like ovulation, the size of follicles, egg fertilization, blood HcG, uterine lining thickness, progesterone levels and on and on and on. We know so much of what can go wrong. So, that’s why we’re so paranoid that something will happen! Every little thing needs to be just right. This why becoming pregnant is an absolute miracle! What a true gift from God!

So, yes, I can try to relax. But no, it’s probably not going to happen. Because if I relax, I feel like I’ve giving up. And I need to think about it. I need to keep trying.

I’ve come to realize that God’s in control, not my emotions or stress level. So even if I’m stressed, God’s in charge.

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