Happy Mother's Day! A day to honor ALL women in our lives...mother or not. To all the amazing women - mothers, non-mothers, mother-in-laws, pregnant moms-to-be, women who so desperately want to be moms, foster moms, step moms, adoptive moms, moms who gave up their children so they could have a better life, surrogate moms, mothers of babies and children in heaven, grandmothers, aunts, Godmothers, moms who are separated from their children, Mr. mom's, daycare moms, sisters, friends, & all the other kinds of moms there are!
For many, Mother's Day can be one of the hardest days of the year. Perhaps your are a mother who has miscarried a baby. Or a mother who has lost a baby or child. Maybe your own mother has passed away. For some, they have an unfit mother and have longed for that loving and nurturing mother. And then there are those women who so desperately want to be mothers, but are unable to conceive.
No matter what heartache you feel regarding motherhood, you are not alone in your grief, disappointment or unfulfilled dreams. God knows and He understands what you are going through.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18
I am one of those women who so desperately wanted to be a mother. I had wanted to be a mother my whole life and prayed every day for the long 4 years from the time we started trying for a baby. I know the heartbreak. I know the tears. I know the waiting. I know what it's like to question God. I know what it's like to think, "What is so horrible about myself that God wouldn't want me to be a mother?"
But even through all the heartaches, questions, and doubts, there was one thing Nick and I always had.
Hope.
Through all the ups and downs with all levels of emotions, we never lost hope.
Don't lose YOUR hope.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
If you are a loving mother, you know what it feels like to love your child unconditionally. You put his/her life above your own. You would do anything for your child. But that's all after meeting him/her. Now imagine if you had those feelings for a child you dreamed of that didn't even exist. Women going through infertility feel this. They love this child they've never held in their arms, this child they've never seen smile. They also feel a mother's unconditional love for that child-to-be. And unfortunately, they go through the pain of feeling that loss of that precious child they would do anything for, month after month, over and over again, as they get their period and their dreams are crushed yet again. That loss brings deep feelings of despair and sorrow. I know that deep despair 38 times as we experienced 38 months of trying with no positive pregnancies.
And now I know the true joy of being a mother after my miracle twin babies were born almost exactly 4 years from when we first started trying to become pregnant. This will be my second Mother's Day with my precious twin boys, Elijah and Will, who turned 20 months old today! For all of you women out there struggling with infertility, I want you to know that it is worth the wait. Hope and trust in God's plan for your family. IT IS WORTH THE WAIT!
Here is a great article by Drew V. Moffitt, M.D. (taken from
www.attainfertility.com). The pain of infertility is like no other. This article will give you a little insight to the extreme courage and selfless sacrifices that infertile women go through in order to become mothers.
Happy Mothers-Day-To-Be to all of my special friends out there! You WILL be a mother, in some way, somehow, according to God's perfect plan. Your courage and sacrifices do NOT go unnoticed. I am praying for you!
Love and prayers,
Amy
'Mothers-To-Be-Day' by Drew V. Moffitt, M.D.
Mother’s day is upon us. It is not that welcome of a holiday for my patients. Gifts passed out at church or given by a well meaning spouse do little to fill the void of yearning that brings them to my office. We hear stories about the great love, sacrifice and courage that mother’s have for their children, but little is said about the incredible love, sacrifice and courage of my “mothers-to-be”.
It takes incredible courage to acknowledge that there is even a problem. We all want to believe that we are in control of our lives and to acknowledge that there is a fertility problem is to internalize a lack of control over this incredibly sensitive part of their lives.
It takes courage to seek medical attention. No one likes to see doctors (I’m over a year late for my colonoscopy), and the trip to the fertility doctor is a particularly difficult journey.
It takes courage to undergo procedures that are not comfortable and are in an area where discomfort is particularly unwanted.
It takes courage to face the possibility of disappointment. Studies have shown that when a woman experiencing infertility has a period, indicating that once again she is not pregnant, she experiences the same degree of grief as if her brother or sister had just died. Most of us will go through that only once or twice in our lifetime. Imagine going through that every month for years. Then imagine going through a specific procedure to get pregnant and having it not work.
It takes courage to hope that it will work the first time and proceed , and even greater courage to experience a failed attempt and then turn around and have the courage to hope again.
These women undergo great sacrifices.
They sacrifice the intimacy of what was supposed to be a wonderful and intensely personal experience with their partner for a doctor’s office.
They sacrifice time on often repetitive visits for monitoring and procedures.
They sacrifice financial resources as they struggle to have something that everyone around them seems to receive without thought and sometimes with disdain.
They sacrifice personal comfort, sometimes thinking that if they experience pain, they will be more worthy of the “gain” they so desperately seek.
Why? Why do they do this? They do this for the same reason the mother gives her bread and goes without. They do it for love. The only difference is that they do it for a deep abiding love for a child that they have not yet held, a voice they have not yet heard, a smile they have not yet seen, and a touch they have not yet felt.
My patients are the epitome of the courage, sacrifice, and love that characterizes mothers in general and the “mothers-to-be” that I have the privilege of associating with every day.
To each of them and to mother’s everywhere, Happy Mother’s day!
Drew V. Moffitt, M.D., FACOG, is the co-medical director of the Arizona Reproductive Medicine Specialists (ARMS), the director of the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center and an assistant professor at the University of Arizona. He is now president of ARMS and director of the Division of Reproductive Medicine and infertility for the residency program at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center. Dr. Moffitt has significant clinical experience in assisted reproductive technologies and reproductive surgery.
