Our precious boys...

Our precious boys...

Sunday, September 4, 2011

SURVIVING THE TWINPOSSIBLE

Here I sit at 10:00pm, frantically adding things to my to-do-list. I love lists, I always have. I’m a “doer.” I like to get things done. I just love the satisfaction of accomplishing a task and crossing it off. Although lately, my lists are very daunting. This is because I keep adding to the list, but unfortunately, it seems that not much is getting crossed off. I can’t keep up. I’m trying to prioritize, but each and every thing is a priority in its own way! I need more TIME!

I have another list of blog posts and topics that I have yet to write about and yet another list of precious photos I need to upload to the blog. But it’s been almost 3 weeks since my last post. And now, as the boys’ first birthday is NEXT WEEK, I’m wondering if I’ll ever find time to do everything I want and need to get done? AHHHH!!!!

But don’t you worry, as I’ve come to the conclusion that will solve all my problems. It’s a genius idea, really! I just need some help perfecting it. I have realized that I think I would have the time I need if only………I never had to sleep! Can you imagine? I’d have so much time while the babies were sleeping during the night to actually accomplish some tasks. So…any ideas of how I can not need to sleep? Why didn’t God give mothers the ability to not need sleep? That’s one of the top questions I will ask first when I get to heaven. He better have a good answer. :)

I thought life would be getting easier with the twins as they are becoming more independent, and it seemed like it was for a while. I was finally getting to the point where I thought, “I can do this!” But as soon as I started feeling more comfortable, the feeling of defeat quickly reared it's ugly head. These last weeks, as their first birthday is fast approaching, have revealed it’s becoming more difficult to get these little dudes to sleep. They are so wired and just want to party! (And trust me, it’s hard to get two crying babies to sleep all by yourself at the same time. VERY hard.) And no, they still do not sleep through the night. It's torture, pure torture. During feeding times, they have turned into little terrors, ripping off their bibs and spitting out food all over the dining room. Oh, who am I kidding…they spit mostly out all over ME!

Oh, and Eli says “MOM” very strongly. I wish I could say it was that he knows I am his mother and he’s affectionately calling out to me. But the way he says it, it’s more of a curse word that he uses when he’s frustrated or angry. I think my dear sweet Eli is swearing at me! And Will is so physically strong. He’s all over the place and trying to pull himself up, climb all over everything, and squeezing himself into the smallest spaces possible. He moves chairs, pulls vents up, and opens doors with safety locks on. He also likes to chew on everything, including his brother. And this is not a good thing now that he has 4 teeth. (I’m sure you get the idea.) So, I can’t take my eyes off them for a second.

I know these are normal things most babies do. But is it so wrong of me to think that I would be the exception? Why can't I have babies who sleep through the night, eat without getting dirty, and act like perfect angels? Hum...maybe it's because there's two of them? I'm not sure, but I am feeling defeated and unworthy of this precious gift of motherhood as I am ashamed to admit that I wished for my “pre-child” life back in a moment of misery tonight as tears streamed down my face.

However, amidst the chaos and frustration, I’m trying to remember that my “normal” is something very special. Very, very special. Something that most people will never experience. I’ll never know what it’s like to only have one child, but they'll never know what it's like to have twins. My life is everything times two. Twice the work and hard times, but twice the blessings and happiness. I am so thankful for our miracles, even if the hardest of times.

I pray this blog full of my crazy posts gives you a tiny peek into my sleep deprived wild world of raising twin boys. We have good times and we have bad times, and day by day, I know we will survive the twinpossible!