Our precious boys...

Our precious boys...

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

FEELING EXCITED, FEELING SCARED

I went back reading through these last months of my blog and I realized it seems that I sure do complain a lot! But, at the same time, I’m just mostly reporting symptoms, which of course, are going to be negative. Even though incubating two babies in a multiple pregnancy is very difficult, I wouldn’t change it for a second. Even though there are lots of pains, I do love the “yuck” of pregnancy. I wanted and prayed for this for so long, after all! And I’d go through anything to have a precious baby in my arms.

As the weeks have gone by, and now with less than 5 weeks left, my thoughts are going all over the place. I’m so thankful, overjoyed, and excited for the babies to arrive. But I’m also very scared, anxious, and insecure. I want to be a good mother. I want to be able to give each of them everything they need. I know I have more than enough love for two babies, but how do I equally split my time between them? And I realize this is hard to do with just one baby, yet alone two. Do I have everything prepared that we physically need? Am I emotionally ready?

I'm starting to think more and more about the actual delivery too. How is it all going to work? Will I deliver here? Will it be vaginally or by c-section? (Let's really hope not BOTH!) Will I be okay? And most importantly, will both babies be okay?

I just keep praying that God will hold us all close and give me the strength to handle everything. I’ve read from multiple sources that mothers of multiples have a higher risk of post partum depression. And to make that chance even higher, add mothers that have gone through IVF to become pregnant and that jumps up to a 75% chance of having post partum depression. So I qualify in both areas. This really terrifies me.

I know it will be hard, but I know it will all be okay. Like the poem below, it will be double the work, but with double the blessings!

Twenty fingers, twenty toes.
Plenty of work, heaven knows!
Four little arms to hold tight.
Four little cheeks to kiss night-night!

People say things to me, like “twins are double trouble.” And that just doesn’t help calm me. But then I saw a quote that reads, “Not double trouble, but twice blessed.” I prefer that one much better!

My youngest sister emailed a few weeks ago and wrote, "To think...those babies were nothing but a hope at the beginning of this year and now they are actually gonna be here! And really really soon!!" And she's so right! That is just amazing!! It makes all those years of trying and hoping and praying seem so long ago. To think these precious babies were just a glimmer of hope for so many years, but will soon be making their appearance. Nick and I are both so thankful and feel so blessed. Our new family is about to be born...to God be the glory!