RED LIGHT – GREEN LIGHT

These weeks leading up to our first ultrasound have been interesting. It’s been a slow three weeks to say the least! It feels like we’re stuck seeing that yellow light…just waiting for time to speed up instead of slowing down. Honestly it still hasn’t all quite sunk in yet that we really are pregnant. I’m thinking after seeing the baby on the ultrasound tomorrow it will make it all seem real!

During the first week after finding out “We’re Pregnant!”, I went through some denial. Red light – stop! I wasn’t quite sure if this was really happening. I had lots of anxiety worrying that something would happen to the baby and I would miscarry. I didn’t want to feel this way and tried not to, but ultimately I think that I had been so used to disappointments that even after this wonderful news, I was still so worried something would probably go wrong. I wasn’t allowing myself to fully celebrate. In fact, when we told people I was pregnant, in a way, I felt like I wasn’t really even telling the truth…because I didn’t “feel” pregnant.

I kept wondering if I really truly was still pregnant. I got to imagining about how I wished there was one easy way to always tell that you were still pregnant and the baby was okay. Wouldn’t that be nice! I decided a light coming out of your belly button would do the trick. Green means baby is great (GO!), yellow means caution: go see the doctor (SLOW DOWN!), and red means bad: an emergency (STOP!). Now if only there was a way I could invent and copyright that!

It wasn’t until this third week that it dawned on me, “Seriously Amy, stop kidding yourself - you really are pregnant!!” Green light – Go! This is really happening! I figured I’d stop worrying because my body is definitely changing. (I mean, if I’m not pregnant, then I must have some horrible disease, because by body is going through some CRAZY changes!)

My symptoms thus far:

Week 3: (Week before we found out if we were pregnant.)
My breasts are extremely sore and my nipples feel as if they could literally break off if accidentally touched. Lots of cramping…feels like the onset of menstrual cramps that I have every month. (Which makes me feel as if this first round of IVF has failed.) My left leg has been numb and sore from the progesterone shots in my butt. (We’re not sure if Nick accidentally hit a nerve while giving me a shot?) Knots are building up inside on both sides of my buttocks from the daily shots in the same areas. At times it’s hard to sit on either side. My butt feels very bruised and sore.

Week 4: (Found out we’re PREGNANT!)
Horrible stomach pains…must be indigestion. Feels like I worked out hard and pulled muscles in my stomach. I'm very bloated and stomach is hard to the touch – feels very full. Sporadic heartburn and the extreme indigestion has traveled up to my shoulders, which has made my shoulders have stinging pain on both sides.

Week 5:
Hello frequent urination! My stomach pains have gone away (YES!). No bloating this week but abs still feel sore. I also now have a numb left hand. (I read this can occur – carpal tunnel syndrome.) A few days of cramping all day. It is the same feeling as menstrual cramps, which makes me extremely nervous, but it is a sign of your uterus enlarging. I now wake up daily with an aching stomach. I feel very weak and my stomach feels empty like I need to eat, but I can barely get myself to eat one slice of peanut butter toast.

Week 6:
My biggest symptom is extreme exhaustion. And I don’t just mean “tired,” I mean EXHAUSTED. I sleep 9 to 10 hours every night and usually take a 1-2 hour nap daily. It’s hard to find energy to accomplish much. (How do people still work full time while being pregnant?) I am feeling numbness/soreness in my left elbow this week along with my left hand. I am constantly thirsty and therefore, drink a lot of fluids. I’ve started having to get up during the night to urinate. I’ve noticed smells are a lot more distinct. Nothing smells bad, I simply notice smells easier. I really like that…so far!

Week 7:
I still have the numb left hand. I think it’s feeling better, that or else I’m just getting used to it. I’m still very exhausted. This week I’ve started feeling bits of nausea throughout the day. Therefore, I’ve had a few days of literally laying around all day. I don’t really feel that hungry and I have to remind myself to eat every couple hours, because if I don’t I feel week and my stomach starts to hurt. Plus food just doesn’t taste very good, which makes eating even more difficult. My stomach feels so empty and I know I need to eat, but I can barely force myself to get food down.

I know I need to get over this and not let this “infertility fear” ruin my pregnancy fun. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s in God’s hands. Every night I lay my hand over my lower stomach and pray to God that He takes care of our baby. I’ve dreamed of doing that for years…there’s really a baby (or babies!) in there. AHH!!!

There’s no way to describe my excitement for tomorrow’s ultrasound. I know seeing the baby on ultrasound will be such an amazing experience for Nick and I. And the biggest news will be finding of if there’s more than one baby making a home! Up until now, only our closest family and friends know of our pregnancy. So we’re very anxious to let the rest of the world know after tomorrow’s news!