Infertility makes me scared. I feel weak. I’m scared of the unknown. I’m scared of the tests and the doctor appointments. I’m scared we’ll never get pregnant. I’m scared of how my body will react to all the medications. I’m scared I won’t be able to deal with all the emotional stress. I’m scared other people are looking at us thinking we don’t have any children because we’re “those kind of people.”
I don’t know if what I’m feeling is normal. But what is “normal” anyway? Maybe this is what “my normal” is. I don’t think I can necessarily stop these feelings, but I do think that I have a choice. We all have a choice. Be sad, feel what you need to feel, but don’t let it take over your life. I realize I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I’m sensitive, I can’t change who I am, but I can control it. I have a choice! Today is a new day and it’s up to me to make it count.
Even though I feel weak, I know God is working in me. I may not know exactly how, but I know His strength will be perfect in my weakness. So for now, I’ve decided to try to smile more, pray more, and complain less. I know I’ll be stronger. I know I’ll survive…
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Monday, September 21, 2009
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