Our precious boys...

Our precious boys...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

FEELING ASHAMED

I’m feeling very defeated today. Being a mother of multiples wasn’t supposed to be THIS hard. But then again neither was being a mother in general. Becoming a mom has changed me. And unfortunately, today I mostly feel like it’s changed me for the worse. Perhaps I’m just having a pity party. Well…whatever…it is what it is. I feel like I’m not fun anymore. I feel like I am neglecting my friends and family. I feel like people have forgotten about me. I feel like I never get a break. I feel like I can never keep up. I feel unhealthy. I feel envious of others. I feel like no one understands me. I feel exhausted. I feel left out. I feel like I’ve lost my freedom.

But most of all, I feel ashamed for feeling all of these things because I am so very blessed. I have two beautiful, happy, healthy babies. I have a wonderful family and a loving husband. I have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a roof over my head. Ultimately I should have nothing to complain about, but still I do.

After hearing about and seeing photos/videos of the recent devastation that all the tornadoes and storms have left throughout the Midwest, I ache inside. Hundreds have died and the devastation is unimaginable. People have lost all of their possessions and homes, and even lost their dearest loved ones. I cannot begin to imagine the heartache and trials. And I was complaining tonight about doing more dishes. Then I thought about how all of those people would love to have their dishes to wash. It really puts my petty problems into perspective. My heart and prayers truly go out to everyone affected.

So tonight, after a pity party afternoon, I am giving thanks for another day. I'm hugging my babies a little tighter, thanking Nick for his love, and praising God more than ever.

Dear God, please help me to stop looking inward and to focus outward. Help me be grateful and to give thanks in each and every situation. Please give me patience and guidance with my babies. Please forgive me for these selfish feelings I’ve felt today and help me to always view motherhood as a blessing and never a burden. Please be with everyone affected by the tornadoes. Heal their hearts and minds as they rebuild their lives. Help them know that everything happens for a reason and that you never leave their side. Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for another precious day in this beautiful life. What a true gift everyday is! In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

Will


Elijah