SLOW DOWN, MOMMY, & SOAK IT ALL IN

I had a sweet moment tonight with my Eli. It's as if he was telling me, "Slow down, mommy, and soak it all in..."


Something was a little off and he cried and cried while trying to fall asleep. It was an uncontrollable, gagging cry which was slowly breaking my heart. I finally took Eli out of his crib and held him in my arms on my bed so Will could fall asleep in his crib.


In the dark, for the first time in over one whole year, I held my little toddler boy to put him to sleep and soaked it all in. This is a rare occurrence, you see, as I haven't held him to get him to fall asleep since he was a little over a year old. That was when we finally let the twins cry it out and ever since then, they easily fall asleep on their own with no tears. They just do not fall asleep in our arms at all. I am forever grateful that they fall asleep nicely on their own because we went through 13 months of being up many many times each night and spending way way way too long holding them to get them to fall asleep for all naps and at bedtime. (It was torture and I could go on and on and on about that. And if you're super bored, you can read this blog post about our Operation Cry It Out!) But I will warn you, it's very long!


Although, just the other day, I was thinking about how sweet it would be to cuddle them and have them fall asleep in my arms just every once in a while. I wondered what it would be like to hold a sleeping baby in my arms again. And here was my chance. I smelled his hair and patted his bottom as he whimpered every so often. His little sighs ended with a quiet, little laugh. He was happy to be in his momma's arms, so content. And I was overjoyed to have him there, so content. I soaked it all in.


I thought about how this could be a last. I may not ever have the chance to hold a sleeping baby or toddler of mine again. There's no guarantee I can get pregnant again. There's no guarantee anyone can ever get pregnant again. I though about him and only him. I soaked it all in.


I somehow forgot about the billion other things I could be getting done at that exact moment. I was just there...with him...feeling his breathing on my chest. Feeling peace...feeling joy. I gave thanks for my precious miracle. I soaked it all in.


Moments like this are limited and precious. And I know they should be occurring more often than they do. And that is all only because I need to slow down. I need to soak it all in. Slow down, Amy, and live in the moment!


As Elijah's breathing slowed down and he started lightly snoring, I kissed the back of his head. I laid him back down in his crib and proceeded to listen to Will jabber to himself for one whole hour longer. One whole hour until 9:30pm! That little stinker didn't want to fall asleep. But I soaked that in too. I know there will be day when he won't jabber to himself and I will long for those sounds again.


I am grateful for these moments tonight: The little reminder from my Eli to "slow down, mommy and soak it all in." And also the little reminder from my Will, that even if he's not asleep by the time he should be, I can still "slow down and soak it all in."