Our precious boys...

Our precious boys...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

A SAGGY, DEFLATED BALLOON

My self-esteem regarding my body isn’t quite what it used to be. Pregnancy changes one's body in more ways than you can imagine. My body feels like a saggy, deflated balloon. Lots of things on my body have changed, re-sized, and shifted! I will spare you the pain of gory details, but overall, it’s my stomach.

I’m supposed to exercise to get these stomach muscles back in shape as they were pulled to the max during this twin pregnancy. Then my stomach muscles should be pulled back in again, I’ll loose the pouch, and should perhaps be back to more of my pre-pregnancy size. I know everyone can complain that there just isn’t enough time in the day to exercise, (trust me, I’m one of them!) but I guess we just need to make time. I pray sometime soon I will be able to get my butt in gear, make that time, and start working out again.

And yes, I know, I have to work at it. How can I complain about it when I'm not doing much to try to change it? But for those of you who know me, you know how much I love working out. I hate it! I’d rather do anything else!! Except for working out that is disguised and doesn’t feel like working out, like sports, biking, or walking. We all know this gut just isn’t going to disappear on it’s own. (Although that would sure be sweet.) So yeah, I’m a dreamer. I’m never giving up on the hope that one morning I’ll wake up and my stomach will be magically flat. HA!

Looking back to right before I was pregnant, at the time, I wasn’t fully happy with my body either. But now I look back to myself then and think wow, what I would give to look like that again. Although it seems that is true in every season of life. We always look back wondering why we thought a certain way about ourselves, when really it wasn’t so bad at all, and we weren’t as “big” as we imagined. But by the time we realize that, it’s often too late! Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that I have a healthy body that can walk, run, etc. But I’m only human. I still get down on myself as much as I know not too. So I’m working on appreciating this body and respecting it.

I had looked forward to watching my belly grow and grow during pregnancy, but I wasn’t prepared for the aftermath of such stretching...the dreaded stretch marks and saggy gut. But now as I look down at my stretch marks on my stomach, (which have already faded more than I thought) I’m trying to change my attitude. These war wounds are a part of me. They are proof I carried two beautiful twin boys into this amazing world. I’m choosing to admire this new body of mine, saggy and all. Because I’m sure a few years down the road (after I’ve put on even more pounds) I’ll look back and wish I had this young body again…

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

JINXED

I've never really believed in jinxes. But some recent occurrences now have me starting to wonder...

A jinx, in popular superstition and folklore, is: A type of curse placed on a person that makes them prey to many minor misfortunes and other forms of bad luck.

I'm not a believer in luck, whether it's good luck or bad luck. I truly believe our good fortunes come from God. And they are BLESSINGS, with no luck involved. And bad things just happen simply because bad things happen.

The superstition of a "jinx" can also be referenced when talking about a future event with too much confidence. A statement such as "We're sure to win the contest!" can be seen as a jinx because it tempts fate, thereby bringing bad luck. The event itself is referred to as "jinxed". A dramatic historical example of this type of jinxing is the Titanic which was said to be unsinkable, then sunk on its maiden voyage.

I personally remember saying "JINX!" as a child, as it's also a common slang term used when two people say the same thing at the same time.

I've experienced three events just in this last week where I think I may have jinxed myself. But in my defense, it's not my fault at all. Other people have brought it upon me by asking. And I find it perfectly alright to blame them. HA! I say this because everything I have said is in response to questions they've asked. I was never bragging about these things. Okay...well, maybe a little...

The following are my 3 examples:

#1. While I was getting the babies weighed, (as I do weekly at the free "Amazing Newborn Clinic" here in town) someone asked me, after seeing one of the twins spit up, "Do they spit up a lot?" I responded, "They used too. But they've been doing great lately, not spitting up much at all."

JINX!! Within the next few hours, they spit up like CRAZY. And it's kept up this whole last week...

#2. While at a "Baby & Me" class I attend once a week, the babies started falling asleep in their car seats as I was packing them up to leave. One of the teachers asked, "Will they transfer well from their carseats to their cribs to finish their naps when you get home?" I responded, "Yes, they do awesome and stay asleep while I move them into their cribs."

JINX!! When I got them home, still asleep in their carseats, they BOTH woke up screaming when I tried to put them into their cribs. Eli finally ended up taking a short nap, but Will was awake the rest of the entire afternoon until he passed out shortly after 6:30pm. (He was awake for 7.5 hours straight!) They really do transfer asleep in their carseats to their cribs really well on a normal day. Although, today it was because they were already overtired from staying awake through the whole class, which is during their normal nap time. (They usually aren't awake for more than 2 hours at time.) It ended up being one of my worst days ever with the twins...

#3. I went for a walk outside (the first one this year!) with the babies and one of my friends, Lindsay and her son. We were talking about all of the babies napping and sleeping schedules. We both shared what our babies were up to. I mentioned how the last 4 nights have been awesome because we haven't had to get up with the twins, other than their one "middle of the night" feeding. (Usually we have to get up a few different times to put their pacifiers back in or calm them for a bit.) In fact, I even explained to Lindsay right after we talked about it, that I was probably jinxing myself. And I explained the same things in #1 and #2 previously mentioned and how I was jinxed.

JINX!! Apparently explaining that you may have just jinxed yourself immediately after saying that something that you think might get jinxed, doesn't keep it from happening!! (Wow, that sentence is a handful!) Because..last night wasn't the best. The babies woke up earlier than usual to eat around 1:30am. And then they were both wide awake at 5:30am. Usually they sleep until after 8am! We had to get up with them a few different times to calm them.

So, apparently I have tempted fate, and my bad luck is appearing. Nah...it just must be coincidence, right? Good thing I don't really believe in jinxes...for now anyway...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

MY NEW BEAUTIFUL NIECE, EMMA

Being an aunt has been one of my greatest blessings in life. And I have been blessed again!!

My sister, Jesse, delivered precious Emma Lynn on February 1st. Momma and new baby girl are both happy and healthy. God is so good!! And of course big sisters, Ava & Cora, are loving their little baby sis!

Emma is so beautiful and precious. I'm in love with her already!


Elijah and Will are just four and a half months older than Emma. They will be in the same grade and school. Oh my...this could get interesting!
Here are the THREE AMIGOS meeting each other for the first time...


Me and my three adorable nieces...


Uncle Nick holding Emma for the first time.


I love you, dear, sweet, precious Emma Lynn. And I'll spend the rest of my life letting you know it! :)

Monday, February 14, 2011

MY VALENTINE'S DAY PITY PARTY

Today wasn’t the best day. It also happens to be Valentine’s Day. A day about celebrating love, and all I want to celebrate is getting this day over with. So, please bear with me, as I am having a pity party…

Yes, I’m thankful to be a mother. But is every day wonderful? No way! At least not for me. And I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one who thinks that. There are good days and bad days. But I’m tired of hearing mothers only talking about the good stuff, like motherhood is perfect. Is that really possible? If it is, then consider me totally jealous of them. And if they’re flat out lying, they need to stop. Cause it’s driving me nuts! Why don’t people just admit there are downfalls? I’m feeling a little unworthy here. Am I just hard to please and ungrateful? Or is it okay for me to, on some days, wish that I could pawn my children off onto someone else for the day?

Today was definitely in my top 5 of worst days since the babies have been born. It started out just fine, but went to the crapper right around 2pm. I go to a “Baby and Me” class offered by ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education). I originally signed up because I thought it’d be a good break in my horribly long Mondays. Nick works out of town every Monday and I’m home alone with the babies all day until around 8pm. Mondays are long enough anyway when they are good days. So on a bad day like today….it makes for a very very long day.

Unfortunately, the class is from 12:45pm to 2pm, which is right when the babies are usually napping. (To my defense, when I signed up for the class, the babies didn’t have a napping schedule. Otherwise I would have never signed up for it if I knew this could happen every week.) Usually they either fall asleep during the class or power through it. Today they powered through it and feel asleep on the drive home. When this happens, I simply take them out of their carseats and lie them in their cribs and they stay asleep. No big deal. They don’t sleep for as long as they usually nap at that time after being transferred from carseat to crib, but they still sleep.

However, today was a nightmare. When I moved them from their carseats into their cribs, they both woke up frantically screaming. How do you hold two screaming 5 month olds at once? You don’t. It was breaking my heart. I’d get one asleep while the other was crying, but as soon as I’d try to lie him down, he’d wake up screaming again. I finally gave up and brought them downstairs.

I figured they’d fall asleep for super long naps after I fed them next. Eli did take a short nap. Thank goodness! But no such luck for Will. Dear little Will giggled and smiled up at me in the dark nursery as I took my turn bawling. I laid him in his crib and he just said “gee” over and over. At least he was happy for a bit. And Eli was sleeping. As for me, I just laid on the nursery floor and cried.

They both proceeded to be fussy the rest of the afternoon, wanting to be held. It was totally unlike them. It was like someone took my sweet, happy babies and switched them with someone else's crabby-pants babies. Who were these boys? It’s hard to calm two needy babies at the same time. I began thinking that if they were like this every day, there would be no way I could be a stay at home mom. I imagine this would be what life would be like with a colicky baby. I guess God knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I said a prayer of thanks for not having babies with colic! And my heart truly goes out to those mothers who have gone through it. There's gotta be a special place in heaven for you!

I also thought about how this would be what life was like if the twins weren't on the same schedule. I would never have a break in the day while they were napping. At least I've done something right! Putting them on the same schedule was the best choice ever!

Will ended up being awake for 7.5 straight hours. (Well, minus the 15 minutes he slept in his carseat.) They are hardly ever awake for more than 2 hours at a time. So that was CRAZY! They both passed out during the middle of their last bottles at 6:30pm. (Which is early as they usually aren’t asleep until 8pm on a normal day.) I hope this doesn’t mean the overnight is going to be messed up as well.

After the babies were finally asleep, I ran around the house frantically picking up after a days worth of chaos. As you can probably guess, I don't always do well with chaos. I finally put away their carseats and organized the diaper bag. I washed an entire sink full of bottles, lids, and nipples. I emptied the dishwasher, picked up toys, and went through the mail. I scrubbed two outfits that the babies pooped through today and started a load of their laundry. My stomach started rumbling and then I realized I never had supper. (And for those of you who really know me, you know how much I adore food, and that I never skip eating. Therefore, you know it must have been pure craziness!) Nothing sounded good, other than some greasy fast food like a burger and fries. Oh how I would have died for that! But since I couldn’t leave the house (obviously!), I settled for a bagel with cream cheese and two clementines. How fulfilling. NOT!

It’s 8pm and now I am finally in my bed, typing away on the lap top, blogging, and letting my thoughts run wild. (Good thing I can type 80 words per minute! My fingers can usually keep up with my brain!) Nick just called and he’s on his way home from work. Alleluia!

I love being here with my babies, but I'm not going to lie, being a full time stay at home mom is hard. I dream about the outside world knowing I would love to be out there every once in a while too. Being with two babies 24/7 is hard. And I know it's okay for me to want a break. Therefore, I’m feeling selfish today. And I'm giving myself permission to feel that way. I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I want to lie around and watch TV, I want to make crafts, I want to read, I want to nap, and I want to go shopping. Could it be cabin fever setting in? Probably. This Minnesota winter is really dragging on. I’m really over the snow and cold. I would love to walk outside strolling the babies. Come on spring, hurry up!

Tomorrow is a new day, I know it will be better. (It better be better!!!)

So, Happy Valentine’s Day to me. See, I told you I wasn’t big on Valentine’s Day. Gee, I wonder why?

MY THREE HANDSOME VALENTINES

Happy Valentines Day! ♥

I'm not a big Valentine's Day person. I don't really make a big deal out of it or expect anything, especially as I get older. I'd rather tell someone how much they mean to me on any other random day out of the year when it's not expected, and many more times than just once. I just may be a Valentine's Day grinch.

There are many different kinds of love and I think Valentine's Day should celebrate all of those much beyond that mushy, mushy, romantic love. So Happy Valentine's Day to everyone in my life. And even though I don't have the means or time to individually tell each one of you, please know you are loved in some form or another. And I am blessed to have you in my life!

And let's not forget the best Valentine of all: Jesus!

"But because of his great LOVE for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions — it is by grace you have been saved." Ephesians 2:4-5

I'm especially giving thanks and feel so blessed to have not just one Valentine this year...but THREE!! I love the men in my life!!

My three handsome Valentines...

Sunday, February 13, 2011

HAPPY FIVE MONTHS!



FIVE MONTHS...really? Oh my, life is sure passing by.

I love you little dudes...

Elijah


Will

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I’M NOT ASLEEP, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I’M AWAKE.

This was definitely true during the twins first three months of life! I wasn’t asleep, but I wasn’t awake either. I felt like a zombie! And I'm pretty sure I looked like one too! But, now that the babies are just eating once during the night, Nick and I are finally getting more sleep. I remember the first night I woke up after having a dream. I was so excited that I finally slept long enough to be able to have a dream! WOW!

Life is much different now. Especially looking back to the first weeks, when the babies were eating every 2 hours, which was about 10 times a day. And I was pumping between those times as well. We barely got any sleep. I honestly don't know how we survived that. (I guess that's what's good about life - you tend to let the bad memories fade away. Thankfully I've already forgotten a lot of the pain!) Now they are eating just 5 times a day. That equals out to more sleep, much much much more sleep!

As of right now, the twins go to bed around 8:00pm and get up for the day somewhere between 8:00am and 8:30am. (But don't get too jealous...because they aren't sleeping the entire way through!) The fact that they don't wake up until after 8am is AWESOME!! Because I am not not not not not not not a morning person! On an average night, we usually have to get up 2-3 times to put a pacifier back in one of their mouths before they need to eat. (Wait, who am I kidding, it's usually Nick who's getting up when they are fussing because I have the most supportive husband there is!) And they eat only one time during the night, usually around 3am (although it varies anytime between 1:30am to 6:30am). Nick and I both take a baby and feed them at the same time in our bed while watching TV (quality bonding time! HA!). Then after they eat and fall back asleep, we don't have to get up with them at all until they wake up for the morning after 8am.

So, Nick and I are averaging about 7 hours of sleep a night. Of course it’s not consecutive sleep, but it’s sleep nonetheless. And I am extremely thankful for that.

The boys fall asleep within a few minutes of laying them down for the night. Sometimes we hold them if they seem fussy and they fall asleep within a couple minutes. And after their middle of the night feeding, we simply lie them down and they are asleep on their own within a couple of minutes. It is wonderful!

We are so blessed with good little sleepers. Of course it wasn't that way at first. It took them a while to get to this point, but now that they have grown and their little tummies are big enough to hold a larger amount of milk for longer, they can sleep for longer periods of time.

I just really hope and pray they are just like their mommy and daddy and LOVE to sleep.

This photo is back from October 13th, when the babies were exactly one month old. We all had fallen asleep on the floor. We were probably getting about four hours of sleep per night. Exhaustion. Pure Exhaustion...