Our precious boys...

Our precious boys...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

A SAGGY, DEFLATED BALLOON

My self-esteem regarding my body isn’t quite what it used to be. Pregnancy changes one's body in more ways than you can imagine. My body feels like a saggy, deflated balloon. Lots of things on my body have changed, re-sized, and shifted! I will spare you the pain of gory details, but overall, it’s my stomach.

I’m supposed to exercise to get these stomach muscles back in shape as they were pulled to the max during this twin pregnancy. Then my stomach muscles should be pulled back in again, I’ll loose the pouch, and should perhaps be back to more of my pre-pregnancy size. I know everyone can complain that there just isn’t enough time in the day to exercise, (trust me, I’m one of them!) but I guess we just need to make time. I pray sometime soon I will be able to get my butt in gear, make that time, and start working out again.

And yes, I know, I have to work at it. How can I complain about it when I'm not doing much to try to change it? But for those of you who know me, you know how much I love working out. I hate it! I’d rather do anything else!! Except for working out that is disguised and doesn’t feel like working out, like sports, biking, or walking. We all know this gut just isn’t going to disappear on it’s own. (Although that would sure be sweet.) So yeah, I’m a dreamer. I’m never giving up on the hope that one morning I’ll wake up and my stomach will be magically flat. HA!

Looking back to right before I was pregnant, at the time, I wasn’t fully happy with my body either. But now I look back to myself then and think wow, what I would give to look like that again. Although it seems that is true in every season of life. We always look back wondering why we thought a certain way about ourselves, when really it wasn’t so bad at all, and we weren’t as “big” as we imagined. But by the time we realize that, it’s often too late! Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that I have a healthy body that can walk, run, etc. But I’m only human. I still get down on myself as much as I know not too. So I’m working on appreciating this body and respecting it.

I had looked forward to watching my belly grow and grow during pregnancy, but I wasn’t prepared for the aftermath of such stretching...the dreaded stretch marks and saggy gut. But now as I look down at my stretch marks on my stomach, (which have already faded more than I thought) I’m trying to change my attitude. These war wounds are a part of me. They are proof I carried two beautiful twin boys into this amazing world. I’m choosing to admire this new body of mine, saggy and all. Because I’m sure a few years down the road (after I’ve put on even more pounds) I’ll look back and wish I had this young body again…