Vincelli: Party of 6

Vincelli: Party of 6

Saturday, May 23, 2009


When we started doctoring, I was referred to a doctor who I will re-name, “Dr. Not-The-Best-For-Me.” I refer to him as this because I’m not saying he’s a bad doctor, it just turned out that he wasn’t the right fit for me. I’ve heard many great things about him – in fact, my own sister, who used to work with him, referred me to him. She thought we’d be a great fit. Jesse had actually emailed him telling him that her sister was coming in to see him and to take special care of her. So, I thought since we actually had a “connection,” I’d be in good hands.

The first appointment was okay as I didn’t really know what to expect anyway. I left confused with all these terms and phrases thrown at me that I really didn’t understand at all. But after the second appointment in November of 2007, I just knew something didn’t feel quite right with having him as our doctor.

At an appointment where we discussed me trying Clomid, I spoke about how it took my mother 2 years to become pregnant with Jesse. Later in the conversation, trying to be funny, I said, “Well, my sister said that you better make sure to get me pregnant, so this better work.” Somehow that sparked Dr. Not-The-Best-For-Me to question, “Oh, is Jesse your sister?” I just couldn’t believe it, we had conversations about Jesse before in previous appointments. Wouldn’t that be sometime that he’d remember? Or maybe write down in my file?

Dr. Not-The-Best-For-Me had a nurse that I refer to as Nurse Not-The-Best-For-Me. She seemed to be as standoffish as Dr. Not-The-Best-For-Me. “No wonder they were paired together,” I thought. She wouldn’t smile or give any comforting words or gestures. It just shocked me that someone who seemed so uncaring could be in such a giving career of a nurse.

During a follow-up appointment months later after my first unsuccessful IUI, Dr. Not-The-Best-For-Me mentioned about how we should start looking at the next option, since this 3rd IUI was unsuccessful. I said to him, “that was only my first IUI.” I wondered if he had even really looked at my chart before entering the room. This raised my final “red flag” and Nick and I started talking about switching doctors.

Dr. Not-The-Best-For-Me seemed insensitive to my emotions. I honestly felt, for some reason, that he didn’t like me. He never even once shook my hand. I desperately wanted and needed a doctor who was encouraging and compassionate. I don’t blame my sister, Jesse, at all for referring us to him. He just wasn’t the kind of doctor that was best for me. He seemed insensitive to the emotional impact of my infertility, and it disturbed me.

I realize I can’t expect both physical and emotional miracles from one doctor. A OB/GYN isn’t a psychologist too. But at the same time, doctors should care enough to want to care for your mind, soul, heart, and body. After all, they’re all connected and effect each other. And I truly believe all doctors should offer hope.

I must say that I’ve talked with other people who have Dr. Not-The-Best-For-Me as their doctor and they really like him. So, once again, I want to mention, that I’m not badmouthing him or saying he isn’t a competent doctor. It’s just important to be comfortable with your doctor. So if something doesn’t feel right – try someone else. It’s not worth that extra stress in your life.

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