Monday, July 9, 2012
CARRY ON, WARRIOR!
Ugghh...
There are days I love being a stay at home mom.......and then there is today.
It's been one of "those" days.
Whining, crying, and temper tantrums galore.
Some of the whining, crying, and temper tantrums were mine.
Yes, it was one of those days.
A dear friend of mine has told me on numerous occasions: "Carry on, Warrior!"
Although today I feel nothing like a warrior. I have no fight in me. I feel defeated, weak and tired.
The twins didn't nap. They just laughed and giggled in their cribs. Sure, that was cute for a few minutes but then they proceeded to throw their blankies overboard, which was followed by crying, crying and more crying.
"Carry on, Warrior!"
I try to do fun projects and activities with them, but usually they end up in tears. A few days ago, I pulled out the playdough and they played with it for 30 minutes (AWESOME!). But when it was time to be finished, that was followed by 10 minutes of stomping around and screaming at the top of their lungs.
"Carry on, Warrior!"
Today I gave one a piggy back ride while the other cried and whined for his turn. Then I went to quickly switch the boys to give the other a turn, and again, the other is screaming because he had to get off my back. That makes fun things not seem so fun.
"Carry on, Warrior!"
Today I'm tired of toddlers. I'm tired of bib ripping, pea throwing, and sippy cup dropping. I'm tired of pulling the boys down from furniture and off of each other. (How they learned to wrestle, I have no idea!) I'm tired of them always wanting what the other has, especially when they are fighting over two of the EXACT SAME THING!
"Carry on, Warrior!"
I'm tired of hearing about other moms of multiples who don't have any stretch marks and seeing photos of their flat and perfect stomachs. Am I the only one who's stomach looks like a giant deflated saggy balloon with hundreds of cat scratches around my mangled belly button? Seriously! But even more than that, I'm tried of being so self conscious and critical of my body.
"Carry on, Warrior!"
I'm tired of people telling me that twins are easy because they have an instant playmate and you don't have to do much. Sure, they do play together nicely often. But having two children the exact same age also poses a lot of problems and arguments. It's two who want and need the exact things at the exact same time. Sometimes I feel so helpless and defeated as mother. It's hard to cuddle with two at the same time, when they each just want you all to themselves. I worry I can't give them the right amount of love and attention they need.
"Carry on, Warrior!"
I met another mom of twin boys yesterday and she said to me, "Twins aren't that hard, are they?" Umm...I'm sorry, but yes, I do think twins are THAT HARD. Does that mean I am a horrible mother? Does that mean I am weak? Does it mean I am ungrateful? Why won't anyone just tell me, "Amy, twins ARE hard, and you are doing an awesome job. It's okay to feel the way you feel! Keep rockin' it, girl!"
"Carry on, Warrior!"
But most of all, I'm tired of my attitude, because I know I am truly blessed and have no reason to complain. I know these tough times are just a stage and that the boys are learning as we go. They are toddlers, so they will test, test, test. I feel guilty and ashamed for being "tired" of the twins. But then I realize I am human and I sin. But there is a God who knows me and forgives me.
Tomorrow is a new day. Dear God, please give me the patience and strength to be the best mother to my precious boys. Help me to be strong and rested to take on the day! Let me be a warrior!
During a day like today and after I take a few moments to step back, breath, and pray, I usually start to feel like a warrior again. In fact, I said "Carry on, Warrior!" to myself so many times today, I started to think I may be losing it. :)
But my friend is right, all of us mothers are WARRIORS. We are skilled persons in combat. Combat against these little beings that test us each and every day. But we are strong. We cannot let them take us down. And we take comfort in the fact that someday their very own children will drive them crazy too. Ahh, the circle of life...
Carry on, Warrior!!!
And carry on, I will!
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Oh, thank God! Because those boys are so stinkin' cute in all those photos, playing and snuggling and smiling. I'm so glad they're regular old toddler twins!
ReplyDeleteJosiah had claw marks on his back. Not from the cat. From Arielle scratching him. And when I pulled her off her twin, she bit me on my shoulder and then hit me and then threw her head back and laughed. It made a HUGE bruise and ticked me off.
Twins are so. very. difficult. Because you never get to devote time to just one. My husband is always complaining that they want to sit on his lap all day and fight. ("MY DADDY!" "NO! MY DADDY!")
Our sanity comes from the same philosophy as the "cry it out" technique. Let them wrestle. The screaming turns into crying which turns into yelling wich - many, many times - turns into them figuring out how to resolve the dispute and is followed amicable play. Until the next argument. And we're talking physical brawls...Josiah pulls Arielle's hair until she falls over and she grabs his arm and bites him... But they usually figure it out. Or we eventually intervene.
You are doing an awesome job. Seriously. This is an impossible job.
I could never in my wildest dreams imagine having two at once. I have two right now but 2 and a half years apart and any mom that says two are easy is either completely delusional of whats going on in their own house or is in their mind hoping that you say no so they can vent too! Your boys are loved and very well cared for and it shows right thru them! Two is fun and exciting but also outnumbering! When it's good it's very good and when it's bad its horrid! ;) I remember when I had my gallbladder taken out the dr said not to worry it was going to minimal scars not very noticeable and I remember laughing "just wait til surgery Hun and try to find a spot not scared up. I will never notice where you add another" I carry my battle wounds very proudly. Your a great mom, and your doing it right. Thank you for sharing because you are sooo not alone if any mom says they never felt this way they are lying and let them live in their delusional world. Carry on WARRIOR!
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