MY VALENTINE'S DAY PITY PARTY

Today wasn’t the best day. It also happens to be Valentine’s Day. A day about celebrating love, and all I want to celebrate is getting this day over with. So, please bear with me, as I am having a pity party…

Yes, I’m thankful to be a mother. But is every day wonderful? No way! At least not for me. And I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one who thinks that. There are good days and bad days. But I’m tired of hearing mothers only talking about the good stuff, like motherhood is perfect. Is that really possible? If it is, then consider me totally jealous of them. And if they’re flat out lying, they need to stop. Cause it’s driving me nuts! Why don’t people just admit there are downfalls? I’m feeling a little unworthy here. Am I just hard to please and ungrateful? Or is it okay for me to, on some days, wish that I could pawn my children off onto someone else for the day?

Today was definitely in my top 5 of worst days since the babies have been born. It started out just fine, but went to the crapper right around 2pm. I go to a “Baby and Me” class offered by ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education). I originally signed up because I thought it’d be a good break in my horribly long Mondays. Nick works out of town every Monday and I’m home alone with the babies all day until around 8pm. Mondays are long enough anyway when they are good days. So on a bad day like today….it makes for a very very long day.

Unfortunately, the class is from 12:45pm to 2pm, which is right when the babies are usually napping. (To my defense, when I signed up for the class, the babies didn’t have a napping schedule. Otherwise I would have never signed up for it if I knew this could happen every week.) Usually they either fall asleep during the class or power through it. Today they powered through it and feel asleep on the drive home. When this happens, I simply take them out of their carseats and lie them in their cribs and they stay asleep. No big deal. They don’t sleep for as long as they usually nap at that time after being transferred from carseat to crib, but they still sleep.

However, today was a nightmare. When I moved them from their carseats into their cribs, they both woke up frantically screaming. How do you hold two screaming 5 month olds at once? You don’t. It was breaking my heart. I’d get one asleep while the other was crying, but as soon as I’d try to lie him down, he’d wake up screaming again. I finally gave up and brought them downstairs.

I figured they’d fall asleep for super long naps after I fed them next. Eli did take a short nap. Thank goodness! But no such luck for Will. Dear little Will giggled and smiled up at me in the dark nursery as I took my turn bawling. I laid him in his crib and he just said “gee” over and over. At least he was happy for a bit. And Eli was sleeping. As for me, I just laid on the nursery floor and cried.

They both proceeded to be fussy the rest of the afternoon, wanting to be held. It was totally unlike them. It was like someone took my sweet, happy babies and switched them with someone else's crabby-pants babies. Who were these boys? It’s hard to calm two needy babies at the same time. I began thinking that if they were like this every day, there would be no way I could be a stay at home mom. I imagine this would be what life would be like with a colicky baby. I guess God knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I said a prayer of thanks for not having babies with colic! And my heart truly goes out to those mothers who have gone through it. There's gotta be a special place in heaven for you!

I also thought about how this would be what life was like if the twins weren't on the same schedule. I would never have a break in the day while they were napping. At least I've done something right! Putting them on the same schedule was the best choice ever!

Will ended up being awake for 7.5 straight hours. (Well, minus the 15 minutes he slept in his carseat.) They are hardly ever awake for more than 2 hours at a time. So that was CRAZY! They both passed out during the middle of their last bottles at 6:30pm. (Which is early as they usually aren’t asleep until 8pm on a normal day.) I hope this doesn’t mean the overnight is going to be messed up as well.

After the babies were finally asleep, I ran around the house frantically picking up after a days worth of chaos. As you can probably guess, I don't always do well with chaos. I finally put away their carseats and organized the diaper bag. I washed an entire sink full of bottles, lids, and nipples. I emptied the dishwasher, picked up toys, and went through the mail. I scrubbed two outfits that the babies pooped through today and started a load of their laundry. My stomach started rumbling and then I realized I never had supper. (And for those of you who really know me, you know how much I adore food, and that I never skip eating. Therefore, you know it must have been pure craziness!) Nothing sounded good, other than some greasy fast food like a burger and fries. Oh how I would have died for that! But since I couldn’t leave the house (obviously!), I settled for a bagel with cream cheese and two clementines. How fulfilling. NOT!

It’s 8pm and now I am finally in my bed, typing away on the lap top, blogging, and letting my thoughts run wild. (Good thing I can type 80 words per minute! My fingers can usually keep up with my brain!) Nick just called and he’s on his way home from work. Alleluia!

I love being here with my babies, but I'm not going to lie, being a full time stay at home mom is hard. I dream about the outside world knowing I would love to be out there every once in a while too. Being with two babies 24/7 is hard. And I know it's okay for me to want a break. Therefore, I’m feeling selfish today. And I'm giving myself permission to feel that way. I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I want to lie around and watch TV, I want to make crafts, I want to read, I want to nap, and I want to go shopping. Could it be cabin fever setting in? Probably. This Minnesota winter is really dragging on. I’m really over the snow and cold. I would love to walk outside strolling the babies. Come on spring, hurry up!

Tomorrow is a new day, I know it will be better. (It better be better!!!)

So, Happy Valentine’s Day to me. See, I told you I wasn’t big on Valentine’s Day. Gee, I wonder why?