Our precious boys...

Our precious boys...

Monday, June 29, 2009

ADVICE LIST: DO THIS…DON’T DO THAT…blah, blah, blah

I’ve experienced handfuls of well-meaning but ignorant advice. I understand that people are trying to be nice and offer this advice to help me and not harm me, but it still stings deep even though I know I shouldn’t take it personally.

First it was the “Don’t” Advice List. People told me, don’t do this and don’t do that. I’ve been told, “Don’t think about it.” (Well, I’m sorry but I do think about it as there are constant daily reminds everywhere!) “Don’t stress about it.” (I do stress about it because it’s a deep desire in my heart.) “Don’t take it so seriously.” (I do take it seriously because it affects every aspect of my life.) “Don’t worry, you’re young.” (I worry because even though I am “young,” studies show your most fertile age is before the age of 24.)“Don’t be sad.” (And I am sad because all I’ve ever wanted is to be a mother.)

Then it was the “Do” Advice List. They said, “Take a vacation.” (How many vacations does this mean? Because we’ve been on 8 since trying to get pregnant and it hasn’t happened.) “Adopt and then it will happen.” (Statistics show only 1 in 4 will go on to have a biological child after adoption.) “Relax.” (Ha…good one.) “Enjoy your time without children.” (We have…for over 5 years of married life, but now we’re ready for our family.) “Get a pet.” (We gave in to this one. We got a fish. Didn’t work. He died.)

Be careful when giving advice to someone experiencing infertility. Good and honest advice can be hurtful and/or taken the wrong way even with the best of intentions. Maybe offer support instead of advice. After all, we know you don’t have the answers, ultimately, we just want someone to care.

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