LESSONS ABOUT OUR FEELINGS by Jody Earle

I’ve found wonderful, educational, and heartwarming writings online. On www.infertilityeducation.org, I found writings by a woman named Jody Earle. She is an active member of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. What a blessing! Her writings seem to encapsulate every feeling I feel. I’m going to post a few of her writings. I hope they give you peace and insight!

“Lessons About Our Feelings” By Jody Earle

Struggling through infertility is a rugged, winding path. Having feelings at unfamiliar levels of intenseness becomes routine to us, and we develop a sense of elitism. No one hurts as much; no one wants a baby as much; no one deserves as much; no one suffers as much; no one understands. Our every decision depends on results of charts, drug therapy, or the calendar. The tempo of our life is paced by cycle-to-cycle or birthday-to-birthday. We rarely allow ourselves to hope; it's such a luxury. And when we do hope, it's no joy since we guard it with oppressive caution to protect us from disappointments. We're frequently on the very edge of panic, sometimes calm and often not-so-calm. And what has happened to intimacy during all of this? Where is it? Our intimate moments are shadowed by doctors, charts, timing, and anxiety. How dare they intrude! I learned years ago that in acts of love we should keep our minds free of hassles, your mind being your major sex organ. But now there are intruders.

Somehow, while we're being pummeled with this gamut of feelings, which are stronger than we knew existed, we start getting stronger. We learn that we can care for others and also care for ourselves—not a bad lesson. We learn to again allow rays of hope to court us. We gather information and support, and begin to accept that infertility is forever a part of us, but not forever master of us. We begin to accept our vulnerability and learn how to manage it, to gulp with an extra deep breath when we anticipate those persistent tears. We realize that we can and do learn to cope with whatever life brings to us, no matter what, with help from others. Our bitterness converts into control; we learn to confront and resolve. Some of this resolution may even happen prior to the completion of our infertility work-up. We DO survive it all, and even at times we begin to rejoice at just being the person we are. We begin loving and trusting ourselves and others again. It's a real liberation!