Our precious boys...

Our precious boys...

Monday, August 24, 2009

THE BLAME GAME

I’ve read of tendencies for couples to focus on “who’s to blame.” One can feel disappointment over the other’s “problem” as to why they can’t conceive. And the other feels guilt for the same. One is thankful they’re not the issue, while the other becomes disheartened because he/she is.

This just breaks my heart. There should be no blame in infertility in a marriage because infertility is a couple’s problem together. It’s one of the few known medical conditions that involves two people. It’s just not one or the other, it’s them together. And a husband and wife are in this together, no matter what, because by marriage two have become one.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:7-9

Husbands and wives are “one” in sharing their hopes, dreams, and joys, as well as the burdens, sad times, and challenges. I know Nick hides his hurt to protect me. And I wish I didn’t make him feel that he needed to do that. I know he hurts because he wants to take the pain away. I’m afraid he feels responsible for this and guilty because I’m the one who has had to suffer most because of it.

I can honestly and thankfully say that I have never blamed Nick during any of this. Although, at times I have felt hurt that he doesn’t have to physically and hormonally go through this as I have. It just doesn’t seem fair. Why am I the only one who has to suffer? I just wish he could feel a little of the pain so he knew what I was going through. But I guess that’s just me being selfish. And I have to remind myself that why else did God give women the responsibility of carrying a child and giving birth? Because we’re strong and men just wouldn’t be able to handle it. (Kidding!!)

But then I think about how I would do anything to make our family. I’ll sacrifice whatever it takes. I’ll go through any pain. I’ll survive this. And we will someday be a mommy and daddy.

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