Our precious boys...

Our precious boys...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

BABY GENDER FEARS

I'm not going to lie...finding out that both of these precious babes were boys was quite a shock to me. I walked out of the ultrasound room feeling a little shattered and teary, coming to the realization, that yes - I am incubating two boys. And there was no mistaking it as they both spread 'em, showing all their boyishness, in all their glory! I started crying when we got into the car after our appointment.

I didn't really understand all of what I was feeling. I just knew my heart was set on at least one baby girl. It's what I've always dreamed of. Please don't misunderstand me. Because I know what you're probably thinking, "This woman has gone through infertility for over 3 years, finally gets pregnant through IVF, is blessed with not one baby, but two = twins, and now is disappointed that they're both boys. How ungrateful and selfish." Trust me - I'm not ungrateful. I think I was honestly in shock because I really thought one would be a girl. Logically there were only 4 possibilities: 1 boy – 1 girl, 1 girl – 1 boy, 2 girls, or 2 boys. So, it was a 25% chance of it being two boys. And a 50% chance of it being both a boy and a girl. Nick and I both really felt it'd be one of each. But we were wrong. (And yes, of course there's always a chance for a girl in the future! We know this!)

I read a few articles and posts online about "gender disappointment" or "gender baby fears" and learned that baby gender expectations are oftentimes rooted in a pregnant woman’s fears of whether or not she will be able to relate to her baby. I came across this writing and it really hit the spot. It was a lot of what I was feeling and gave me comfort that I wasn't the only one to feel this way. It reads, "...The prospect of having a girl eased my fears of motherhood. I truly believed that our shared chromosomal makeup would guarantee me a magical and effortless connection to my child. But with a boy, I didn't have the foggiest idea of what to do or expect. I had little experience, and even less interest, in sports, action figures, and video games. Instead of filling me with joy, the prospect of parenting a son left me feeling like a first-time explorer without a road map."
(Article found at: http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/fetal_development/genetics_gender/article/overcoming-gender-disappointment)

I think this definitely applies to me. You have to understand that I’m a girlie girl. I love to do girl things. I love nail polish, purses, and shoes. I grew up loving dolls, playing house, and dressing up. And I don't really enjoy getting dirty. My mom has 8 sisters, 1 half-sister, 1 brother, and 1 half-brother. I have 3 sisters and 0 brothers. I've only been around girls and so naturally, I dreamed of having a girl of my own to do and experience those things with! I feel as if I may be a bad mother because I don't have any experience with boys.

But I have now realized more that there is so much excitement in this BECAUSE it is all new and I don't have experience with boys. I will have and experience that wonderful mother/son connection that I hear so many people speak of. And if these boys turn out like their father, then what am I afraid of? (Besides 2 little boys who will never stop talking as Nick really likes to talk a LOT! HA!) And if we have two little Nick's running around, what a blessing that will be!

I received a very touching message from a friend that I want to share. She knew I was feeling down and this message pulled on my heartstrings. It's exactly what I needed to hear. I'm so very grateful for her kind words. Thank you, Lisa!! She wrote, "I believe God placed those boys with you for a reason. I think God gives little boys to extra special mommies. He knows these incredible women have the right amount of heart to shape these little men into wonderful husbands and fathers. You have been hand picked, dear Amy. Behind that dirt, baseball glove and monster truck is the makings of an amazing man. God knows you have what it takes."

Nick reassured me that our sons will turn out based on our parenting and upbringing. They won’t be born exactly like anyone else – they’ll be their own unique beautiful boys. So, I don't need to be nervous about the preconceived image of how I think boys will be. Ultimately, I know this is God's plan for our family and I'm confident in that. I'm excited to have these little boys teach me all about what boys do. And I'll show them what I know about being a girl. We'll do "boy" and "girl" things together...how well rounded we will all turn out! What a true adventure this will be. And who knows, maybe the twin boys won't like dirt either...(I can only hope!)

1 comment:

  1. Welcome to the Boy club. I too was nervous about having a boy since there was so much that was unknown. Our boys are night and day different. Chancellor is a typical boy who loves sports. Devon is a mama's boy and does not like to get dirty. Good luck!!

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