BABY GENDER FEARS

I'm not going to lie...finding out that both of these precious babes were boys was quite a shock to me. I walked out of the ultrasound room feeling a little shattered and teary, coming to the realization, that yes - I am incubating two boys. And there was no mistaking it as they both spread 'em, showing all their boyishness, in all their glory! I started crying when we got into the car after our appointment.

I didn't really understand all of what I was feeling. I just knew my heart was set on at least one baby girl. It's what I've always dreamed of. Please don't misunderstand me. Because I know what you're probably thinking, "This woman has gone through infertility for over 3 years, finally gets pregnant through IVF, is blessed with not one baby, but two = twins, and now is disappointed that they're both boys. How ungrateful and selfish." Trust me - I'm not ungrateful. I think I was honestly in shock because I really thought one would be a girl. Logically there were only 4 possibilities: 1 boy – 1 girl, 1 girl – 1 boy, 2 girls, or 2 boys. So, it was a 25% chance of it being two boys. And a 50% chance of it being both a boy and a girl. Nick and I both really felt it'd be one of each. But we were wrong. (And yes, of course there's always a chance for a girl in the future! We know this!)

I read a few articles and posts online about "gender disappointment" or "gender baby fears" and learned that baby gender expectations are oftentimes rooted in a pregnant woman’s fears of whether or not she will be able to relate to her baby. I came across this writing and it really hit the spot. It was a lot of what I was feeling and gave me comfort that I wasn't the only one to feel this way. It reads, "...The prospect of having a girl eased my fears of motherhood. I truly believed that our shared chromosomal makeup would guarantee me a magical and effortless connection to my child. But with a boy, I didn't have the foggiest idea of what to do or expect. I had little experience, and even less interest, in sports, action figures, and video games. Instead of filling me with joy, the prospect of parenting a son left me feeling like a first-time explorer without a road map."
(Article found at: http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/fetal_development/genetics_gender/article/overcoming-gender-disappointment)

I think this definitely applies to me. You have to understand that I’m a girlie girl. I love to do girl things. I love nail polish, purses, and shoes. I grew up loving dolls, playing house, and dressing up. And I don't really enjoy getting dirty. My mom has 8 sisters, 1 half-sister, 1 brother, and 1 half-brother. I have 3 sisters and 0 brothers. I've only been around girls and so naturally, I dreamed of having a girl of my own to do and experience those things with! I feel as if I may be a bad mother because I don't have any experience with boys.

But I have now realized more that there is so much excitement in this BECAUSE it is all new and I don't have experience with boys. I will have and experience that wonderful mother/son connection that I hear so many people speak of. And if these boys turn out like their father, then what am I afraid of? (Besides 2 little boys who will never stop talking as Nick really likes to talk a LOT! HA!) And if we have two little Nick's running around, what a blessing that will be!

I received a very touching message from a friend that I want to share. She knew I was feeling down and this message pulled on my heartstrings. It's exactly what I needed to hear. I'm so very grateful for her kind words. Thank you, Lisa!! She wrote, "I believe God placed those boys with you for a reason. I think God gives little boys to extra special mommies. He knows these incredible women have the right amount of heart to shape these little men into wonderful husbands and fathers. You have been hand picked, dear Amy. Behind that dirt, baseball glove and monster truck is the makings of an amazing man. God knows you have what it takes."

Nick reassured me that our sons will turn out based on our parenting and upbringing. They won’t be born exactly like anyone else – they’ll be their own unique beautiful boys. So, I don't need to be nervous about the preconceived image of how I think boys will be. Ultimately, I know this is God's plan for our family and I'm confident in that. I'm excited to have these little boys teach me all about what boys do. And I'll show them what I know about being a girl. We'll do "boy" and "girl" things together...how well rounded we will all turn out! What a true adventure this will be. And who knows, maybe the twin boys won't like dirt either...(I can only hope!)

OH BOY, OH BOY!!

Here's an ultrasound photo from today! (It's of their heads, side by side!)

The day has finally arrived! We had our 20 week ultrasound this morning to find out the sexes of the twins. As we left the house, I felt so anxious and nervous. I had been rubbing my belly the last few weeks giving the twins a pep talk to not be shy and show us what they've got! :) And...great news, the precious babies listened to their mommy and daddy! They weren't shy...they definitely showed their stuff!

Drum roll please.......Baby A is a BOY...and Baby B is a boy! WOAH BABY! Both babes are looking healthy and measuring great. Today, I'm 20 weeks and 3 days along. Baby A is measuring 20 weeks 1 day and Baby B is measuring 19 weeks 3 days. They're both laying sideways across my belly with their heads in the same direction. I think they're cuddling, but others think they're wrestling.

I experienced another interesting thing today as I almost passed out while laying down on the exam table! Not too long into the ultrasound, I started feeling very weak, sweaty, and dizzy. (And I've passed out before so I know exactly what it feels like and this was it!) The doctor had me move from my back over to resting on my left side. He said this was normal as laying on your back isn't the best position for someone who's pregnant, especially with twins. It all has to do with blood flow. Your heart rate increases during pregnancy to pump more blood, and as more of your blood supply goes to the uterus, your heart will be working harder to send sufficient blood to the rest of your body. And of course this doubles with twins. And when you're on your back, the weight of your uterus lies on the spine, back muscles, intestines, and major blood vessels. This can lead to impaired circulation, which can reduce circulation to your baby. It can make your blood pressure drop, causing some expectant moms to experience dizziness.

Fortunately, he could keep doing the ultrasound okay from that side position. Nick was fanning me with some papers and I started cooling off. I felt better and moved to laying on my back again. But just a minute later, it all came back again. So back onto my left side again. I swear the weirdest stuff always happens to me. My sister jokes that my body is a medical mystery. I think she's right!

It was amazing to watch the twins move around so much during the ultrasound! I asked our doctor if he was SURE they were both boys. He said, "If those are girls with those things sticking out...we have a problem!" So, boys it is! :) He labeled on the photo printout of Baby B - "I'm a MAN!!!" And on Baby A's, he wrote, "I'm a BETTER MAN!!!". Hilarious!

It's their momma who's getting really big. I'm measuring at 28 weeks today, even though I'm only 20 weeks along. Which is right on track with twins. Keep in mind that when I'm 28 weeks along, my uterus will be about 40 weeks along. (So full term for a pregnancy with a single baby.) This means I will be large and probably start growing out the sides as well instead of just in front! Yikes!

This girlie girl who is afraid of dirt and doesn't know much about sports is quite amazed that she's growing 2 little baby boys. Nick and I both really thought it'd be one girl and one boy. Now begins the picking out of names (Which we are not sharing first names with anyone! You'll just have to wait!), decorating the nursery, buying two of many items, registering, etc. Yippee!! Bring on the boys!

I sure have a lot to learn as I have NO EXPERIENCE with boys! So please send any good advice as I will need it! What a wonderful adventure this will be! Thank you God for healthy precious babies.

Thanks for your continued love and prayers!

Here's Baby B: Definitely a boy! "I'M A MAN!"


Baby A: Definitely a boy! "I'M A BETTER MAN!"

WEEK 18 - 19 SYMPTOM UPDATE

I'm officially 20 weeks today! It's the halfway mark! We have our next doctor's appointment on Thursday to have another ultrasound and find out the sexes of the babies!! I can barely contain myself!! I've been giving the babies a pep talk, rubbing my belly saying, "spread your legs, spread your legs!" Here's a photo of me last week at 19 weeks!



Week 18: The weirdest symptoms I’ve had so far started this week. There’s a heartbeat in my left ear!! Seriously! I looked it up and was thankful that I’m not going crazy. It’s caused by the increased blood flow. Every so often, especially if I’m moving around a lot, I hear and feel this pounding in my left ear. It literally feels as if there’s a heart pounding in my left ear. Very weird!

Also, urinating during the day has become crazy. I feel like it’s all I ever do! (Although getting up to urinate at night has stopped. What a blessing that is! Feels like I sleep so much better without having to get out of bed!)

Week 19: I’ve had some bad bad spurts of heartburn this week. But mostly bothering me have been my feet, as they have been aching a lot this week. They feel sore, as if I need to have support, so I’ve started wearing tennis shoes around the house. But also, my hands and feet have begun to swell. It started when we were on vacation to the Wisconsin Dells this week. I couldn’t even wear my wedding ring there the last day because my fingers were so swollen. And my feet didn’t really even look like my feet. Plus, it doesn’t help that right now it’s 90 degrees and humid here. So, I have been elevating my feet as often as I can but I feel like it doesn’t help anyway. During the day my feet hurt and I want to wear tennis shoes, but I can’t because my feet are swollen and it’s too tight with them on. Now my feet are aching because I can’t wear shoes and they’re swollen. Oh well – bring it on, summer!

WEEK 15 - 17 SYMPTOM UPDATE

Week 15: I still need to get up to urinate every night. Sleeping isn’t as sound as it usually is, as it’s hard to get my belly comfortable. I’ve started using a body pillow and that seems to help a little. My nipples have been very sore lately. Maternity pants are my new best friend. They’re great! For as much as I’m urinating during the day, you can just slip those down so fast without having to zip or button anything, big time saver and very comfortable. Love them! I think I could wear them forever.

Week 16: I’ve had a lot of headaches this week. I wake up with them sometimes in the mornings. I’ve been feeling so tired again, so naps are back! Heartburn has arrived, although it’s very sporadic. Usually occurs more towards late afternoon/early evening time. The best thing this week is that eating is becoming a lot easier. Before I had to eat every 2 hours or else my stomach would ache horribly. I would have to eat before I had the chance to feel sick. Now, I haven’t had to eat as often, but still snack throughout the day. My OB said this most likely due to the higher amount of hormones. With twins, you have more hormones than a singleton, and they last longer. So, it should be tapering off soon.

Week 17: That body pillow is definitely helping. Sleeping is a lot easier and more comfortable. I haven’t had to get up during the night to urinate this week, which seems to definitely improve my sleep! My stomach doesn’t ache during the night when I’m sleeping as much anymore. Big Plus!! But off and on during the day, it still aches. I’ve found I need to lay down after I eat as if to let it all even out. If I sit too long it aches and I need to lay down, which makes it feel better. I’ve also began to start feeling generally achy all over. My lower back aches and I feel sharp pains on the inner sides of both legs when I get up from sitting or move a weird way.

17 Week OB APPOINTMENT

I'm 17 weeks along! I had another check-up appointment today to hear the heartbeats and check my uterus growth. Nick wasn’t able to come to this doctor appointment due to work. (Will probably be the only one he'll miss!) I invited my sister, Jesse, to come along. My 2 year old niece, Cora, came along as well. I don't think Cora really understood what was going on, she was just having fun exploring around the room. I'm so happy Jesse was able to come with, it really meant a lot to have her there with me.

We listened to the babies' heartbeats again. It took awhile to find their heartbeats, as my OB kept finding my heartbeat. It freaked me out while waiting because every time I go in there, I fear that something is wrong with the babies. But he found both heartbeats! It was fun to hear the difference of the heartbeat rhythms as the babies heartbeats were so much faster than mine. Just amazing and beautiful! He said “Baby B” was moving around as he found that heartbeats in a few different areas. (Wait, maybe there's 3 babies in there! HA!) And “Baby A” was stuck right under. Makes me imagine about their personalities already. For some reason I think Baby A is a girl and Baby B is a boy.

This week I am 17 weeks, but measured at 21.5 weeks. So, those twins are making me grow fast! My belly is really starting to poke out. I feel more and more pregnant now that the belly is really here. I love it! I've gained 6 pounds since my last appointment on April 7th...yikes!

We're now anxiously awaiting our next appointment at the end of the month, which is an ultrasound where we will find out the sexes of the babies! Well...only if they behave and cooperate, that is! Come on twins, show us what you've got! :)

Here's the latest photo of me at 17 weeks preggo with twins!